Grace – Undeserved Favor

Today, I found the Lord.
I went to the secret place and I was in the room of total peace, rest & sweetness
I asked him “Where were you?” and he said “I was here” “Where were you?”
I was corrected.
My Father called to me, he said “I am”
He showed me what I was doing in an instant, and I instantly knew what I wasn’t doing… focusing on Him.
I saw Jesus on the cross and he was bleeding and forgiving us..
Father God showed me I lost my focus and was looking at people and not at Him.

Every wednesday, we have HOP (House of Peace) classes and I just felt beat. I was also told it was my turn to teach… I was so amped until this moment where my dad comes to blow on my neck and I was told in a small voice “your dad it trying to do something to you” it was suspicion and fear. I honestly when he came to kiss my ear – I covered them, I wanted to be really distant !!!!!!!! I couldn’t be there. I didn’t want him near me if that is the truth. I don’t appreciate my dad when he does that! I wanna scream at him and say NO! but I don’t. He isn’t touching me inappropriately and he think he’s “playing”. Burns me.
This made me sad, because before I started to teach, this busted me.
My moment of sadness was because I let that thought own my thought of my dad.
I was worried that his intentions weren’t holy again, the enemy lied and I believed it.
I was sensitive and my mind was severe. I was totally afraid of sin in that moment & the liar lied.

My dad is a new man, and no longer in the world
But when he does that gesture as if he were sensually messin with me –
I feel my innocence being ripped off me, i don’t have holy thoughts
All I wanna do is cry and ask God to change me to not think that way >_<
So I put that song “Pursuit”, because I need many things stripped from me!
In my mind, my life, my attitudes that don’t please the Lord
My faith is being tested! I want to have faith here, in this area, and it’s a trial to move into this.

I experienced the Lords mercy right now, and I don’t deserve it.
But there God goes, being the merciful, forgiving, God he is through His son, for His son Jesus.


On the positive note, God used the people who came to encourage me and smile at me  and even challenge me to move out of my shell (earlier that day God showed me I was like a snail. I hide in my shell when something comes..) and I didn’t tell them what went on. I had a weird moment with them… Holy Spirit honestly did the teaching yesterday. I couldn’t by myself.


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