A Look Inside Your Heart – Pg 248

1. In what ways has your life been touched by sexual sin? How has this affected your view of yourself? of God?

When I was 5 or 6 years old, I was exposed to sexual sin. I was touched inappropriately    by a family member. In that time I didn’t know that it was wrong, I was told to pull down my pants so this family member could see my private area. Then… another family member told me to touch his penis and kiss him and I was young and I did as they told me… but somehow in the back of my mind later on in life I found out that it was wrong to do that and I would say “No” to this family member. Then in my teen years I was curious and I became addicted to porn at a young age… I would download so many pornos to see these women and men get turned on and somehow it wasn’t new to me…   it appealed to me and that was about the time Internet was getting big. Then I started to experiment and I wanted to feel the way that woman felt cause in my head it “looked like it felt good” and then one time I tried it by touching myself and I was addicted to sexual things. Then I did things with another family member and we kissed and touched each other. I began to not feel right about these things so I would stop often but then I got older and wanted to be in a relationship. My first relationship was sexual. We grinded a lot and there was always a point where almost all our clothes was off and and almost officially had intercourse but every time I’d feel so convicted!!! Anyway… this went on for years until 2013 and yep that’s when my sexual life ended. The way I viewed God in these time at first was of no importance, mainly cause I was young and not paying attention, later on in life I would learn about the Lord and then whenever something sexual would happen, I’d feel convicted!!! Extremely convicted. So I could never have full intercourse, just grind until we were both satisfied. Now that I think of it- its so evil and manipulative and BLECH. I am so glad JESUS TOOK ME OUT OF THAT LIFESTYLE. :’)  And then I moved to a new church, and my mentor, prayed over me and the first thing she said was “No More Sex” and it was SAID & DONE.

This affected the view of myself because when I turned to Jesus and accepted Him as Lord and Saviour… I really felt discussing & dirty & so impure and horrible. I felt yucky yet I still spoke to God – telling him the reality of my life. For a while I had this mindset of me being evil, and that I am not good enough, and accusations and burdens and so much disgusting moments in life. I felt dirty. SUPER YUCKY. Then, recently… 2 years later I have accepted Jesus’ forgiveness and have learned that He Loves Me. I didn’t really know a thing about the Lord. I knew the voice of the enemy more than the voice of the Lord, but he still spoke to me in DREAMS !!! So so so heavily.

2. Why do you suppose our culture glosses over sexual sin as if it’s no big deal? 

Well, the media portrays that “sex” is what it’s like to be in love. In the movies it starts with a small crush, then a romance, then it’s been a while and theres a sex scene… and  that’s what they call love. In the world it’s normal and they don’t know the value of God’s ways. They think that their body is their own, but it’s not. Our bodies were made by God, and God wants us to keep them well cared for. Plus, this new era is very “it’s my choice” and this new era is “this is my body and I can do whatever I want with it”. So, the sexual sin things is brushed off as if it’s normal to do it… because that’s the example we are shown all over the place! Sad reality.

3. How would your view of yourself change if you could look into Jesus’ eyes and know that He sees only a new creation, a precious child of God?

Wow, honestly my life would change. My view of myself would change…. because he would show me through His eyes that even though I messed up and did things that were honestly unholy, it’s like the prostitute who was caught in the act of adultery! Jesus said “get up and sin no more” with such humility! He could have killed her, but he came to be the beacon of light and a saviour of those in sin! Including me. I would see the passion in his eyes for me. I would see the love he poured out on the cross. I would see the passionate thoughts he had about me. Beautiful thoughts about how he sees me and what He can do through My life.

4. If you’re harbouring guilt and condemnation over the past, are you willing to allow Christ to wash you completely clean? Are you ready to truly repent of your sin, turning to walk in the other direction and relying on the enabling power of God for victory from this day forward?

Yes. I am

(This takes accepting God’s love and allowing this wall of defences against receiving love from God, to fall)

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